Depth over Breath or something like that.

An entry of mind thoughts for a Spring afternoon.

Hello friends,

It is a monday morning and I’m off work for an extended easter weekend… god bless. For the last 4 mornings I have had my coffee on my front porch to the soundtrack of birds and critters in trees and my dogs chewing sticks. My partner and I have some containers of plants strung along the porch and front yard and the lettuce and radishes I planted last week are poking out of the ground to say hello. This is my favorite time of year. It always has been. Something about the earth singing in renewal and overcoming the death of winter makes me second guess the whole deconstruction of christianity thing, or maybe christianity colonized spring and that feels more likely. Either way, something in the air feels new and I’m gonna go with it.

Music Updates:

We’ve been hitting the studio hard and its not slowing down anytime soon. My good friend Jake Smith has come by to layer in some feeling on our tracks and I am honored. This video is crazy and I can’t wait for you to hear this within context. Ben’s face delights me in this video and looks probably like what mine did watching Jake do his thing.

This album has been touched by so many of my talented friends. I feel so lucky to have such an amazing community of people who want to help me build something special.

I almost feel silly for how long I’ve been saying that the album is getting closer to being done, but genuinely it is such a slow game. I’ve found a lot of wonder in the comparison of my album and starting seeds in my garden and how long they need care and work to be able to produce fruit. Especially as an independent musician, a project deadline is an ever-moving target- dependent on jobs, money, resources, and schedules, but slowly and surely the record is coming to life and should be out this late summer.

That being said, I’d love to start telling you about it. Little bit at a time.

My second record is called Here and Here Before.

The 4th song on the record is called Astronaut Song.

I started writing this record a little over 4 years ago. As soon as Nervous Kid was out in the world, I started writing new songs. Astronaut Song was the one that made me realize I wasn’t done releasing music. I was learning a lot of Julia Jacklin songs at the time I wrote this. Her music does a lot of simple two chord progressions that left more room for vocal melody so I decided to try that out. All of the lyrics poured out in one go. Usually songs take me months to craft, but this one was ready to fly as soon as I had the music for it. Below is the first demo I ever recorded of the song, October 2019.

I also was about 2 years into the deconstruction of my faith I was raised with. I was allowing myself to dissect everything I was told was right. It left me feeling like I was floating in space. There were moments when that felt crushing, but I remember having this silly thought of what if instead of floating, I was on some sort of rogue astronaut mission? Upon a hero’s journey with a belief that if I keep pushing forward there will be a summarized, beautiful ending that brings peace to all….. So silly and simplifying the hardest season of my life in a really weird way… but hey, it made me feel better sometimes.

The characterization of my deepest pain made it easier to take. Sometimes I didn’t want to opt into the narrative that I had grown up in a system that had been built to spiritually manipulate me into giving my life away…. that not only was this system manipulating me into hating myself and believing that I was broken, but that it was doing so to millions of people and conveniently, under capitalism, this system was set up that some people got paid for helping these broken people try to be better and also conveniently, no one ever really felt like they were ever truly healed, but that they just had to keep trying to be good…. Exhausting… I am all for faith and people trying to find something to believe, but how often the dynamics of power, manipulation and coercion played out in my particular brand of christianity leaves me grieving to this day.

Yes- I’m already spinning out into my too many thoughts about this and sometimes it is easier to simplify it and say that this song is about an astronaut that finds out the mission is corrupt and goes rogue on their own journey and mission into space.

Almost every time I have played this song I have told the audience this is a “choose your own adventure song” I think my journey with this song made me realize that my role as a performer in the spaces I make is to create an invitation. Sometimes we can’t take another hit and that is okay. It is nice to be able to create fable in order to process pain and I think that is what art is about.

Astronaut Song. It is a choose your own adventure. It is either about an astronaut who goes rogue and won’t come back down to the planet they called home, or is a song for those learning about your participation in systematic oppression and choosing to try to make that right, even when it leaves you feel like you are floating alone in a vast, dark unknown.

I’m excited for you to hear it’s final form this late summer.

Other Things/Save the Dates/Recipes/Stories/Inspirations/Whimsies:

• I’ll be playing music at SoKno Pride this year in Knoxville on June 29th with my band and I just found out today. This will be fun because my first single from my album is set to come out the week before. Gays unite.

• Em and I planted onions, peas (two kinds), lettuce (three kinds!), bok choy, carrots, beets, radishes, potatoes and strawberries in the yard. I’m a nerd about this and so excited so this is the first of many formal garden updates.

• I went to Big Ears Festival two weekends ago and encountered Kristin Hersh for the first time. I bought her memoir, Rat Girl, and I’m so excited to dive in. I was able to hear her in a conversation with Ann Powers about the music industry and her experience honoring the soul and life of what she creates rather than always playing by the rules of an industry that honors what she called “breath over depth” I asked her how she has kept going for decades if the industry is what it is and she told me its the depth. She told me a story of connection and believing that we have more in common than not and trusting that the process will lead us there. I don’t think I will ever forget her talk and it also made me realize I am starrrrved for feminine mentorship in this industry… so if you know of anyone who wants a new mentee, let me know, I am a sponge.

• I have several recipes I am excited about that I’ve been tossing around in the kitchen, but I think I will do one post about them all. This is the 14th week Em and I have planned all of our M-F meals out to try to be healthy, food-conscious gals and I am still into it. It’s been the first time I have felt good about something that feels like a food/health journey and it is cool to see some results.

Okay, so many words on a page and I’m done. I love you. Happy Spring.