The internet is hard and other thoughts about trying to connect to one another and failing.

This 2-in-1-turbo-mopper-devil on a handle wakes up in the middle of the night and cleans my whole house for me, you can find it on my Tiktok shop! Its also a sex toy!

Trigger Warning: The election and our brain melting devices beckoning us to hate one another.

November is over and she was truly a cunt. I feel so complicated about last month, mostly the election I guess, because November is actually my favorite month. It is my birthday and things slow down and trees get reeeally fally. November started with a blur of days that added up into being a manic haze of desperately looking for someone to save me.. save us?.. save the country?.. Whatever it was, it didn’t quite happen, did it? And calm down! I hear the voices saying, “ThHE GOVERNM;ENST ISBNT; GOIENG TOA SAVEE YOUII” I know its not! But jesus crust, can a girl hope someone would have prevented us from being here again?

The day before the election I told my boss I was mostly looking forward to the chance that we wouldn’t have to talk about the fascist-leaning parasite anymore.. but alas, here we are and here I am. Mid-process of how the fuck do I feel about being at the gym and seeing the parasite’s face giving uncontrollable power over education to fleas. My boss gave me the next day off and I’ll always be grateful for that. Jim’s a homie for sure.

My friend/ex-pastor-but-forever-pastor, Lindsay, talks about the veil between heaven and earth being thin in spots and that maybe those spots are where someone is experiencing true pain, but also true joy at the same time. My girlfriend talks about the same thing when she talks about her values of believing that opposite things can co-exist together and in fact make each other better because of that co-existence. I talk about the same thing by saying “I am confused about November.”

I had a great month.

The weekend before the election I sang songs in a queer wedding. Which is always the holiest- no offense christian straights. Your book should have been clearer and less weird, but one day you will realize that love choosing resilience and your partner, in the face of genuine life-threatening hate is actually what your dude Jesus was about and the veil is thin as fuck at a gay wedding. As I sang “Closer to Fine” through teary eyes and invited those who attended to sing along I became a worship leader again and a core moment locked into my redemption arch.

The next weekend I toured with Yer fucking Flowers. I knew I loved them, but I LOVE them, tear in my eye thinking about them and our tour, LOVE them. David, Joao, and Graham were kindness, encouragement, and FUN in a way I really needed music to be at this point in my life. I’m years in to working on a record, I work a 9-5, I am so comfy at home, and the idea of touring hurt a little not too long ago… it takes a lot to trade in your free time to keep working at booking shows, promoting, and then actually leaving your home?!! Luckily for me, the tour with Yer Flowers was beyond convincing to the gremlin that lives in me who wants to stay home, eat chili, and watch bob’s burgers. Touring is awesome and people are awesome and worth traveling to and playing music for.

It was the weekend after the election and I was really afraid of how things would go. I drove to Atlanta and got to catch-up/stay with my dearest of friends, Annie. I got to meet her newest baby-which is definitely the way people say that- and we got to sit in our sadness together on the patio before the show. That night we played at 529 with MomFriend and Bizner and I can’t tell you how tangible the healing from music felt… It felt like a dew settling on the whole venue. Like all of us who had confusion and pain and fear felt it together and for a moment I believed we would all be okay because we had each other. MomFriend, Bizner, and Annie slap and just as I remember going out to celebrate the first woman president in 2016 and coming home early with Annie, I will never forget taking the first steps towards hope again with her in a room full of strangers in 2024 in Atlanta.

We went on to Nashville where I got the chance to go to the Lipstick Lounge for the first time before our show. A spiritual journey of sorts. The thing about touring that’s magic is that you get about 12 hours to witness the community, connection, intentional spaces and art that happens all over the place. You just get to step into a place that people built with intention and do your thing, hopefully adding to whatever is already taking place. We played at at sushi restaurant that night and it was genuinely delightful, but I loved stepping into the community that the Lipstick Lounge so intentionally built and dreaming about playing there the next time I roll through town. (SHe’S MaNiFeStInG!) Also shout out to Maddie and Grace for housing me that night on your couch even though you were moving at 8am that next morning. Drinking coffee in your kitchen while movers showed up and moved your couch in less than 2 minutes was pivotal for me. I learned so much and I will never move my own couch again. (SHe’S MaNiFeStInG!)

Back to ole Scruffy as fuck, Knoxville, TN on the next night. I played my best show I’ve ever played that night at the Pilot Light. I saw god’s face and said, long time motherfucker, let’s dance…. I’m kind of kidding. Rarely have I gotten to to play my music three nights in a row with a full band and we were locked innnnnnn. I didn’t mention it, but David, Joao, and Graham learned all of my songs and for 4 nights in a row played two sets, first mine, then there’s. Them cowpuppies is saints. We played with Palmyra and they were a blast and are currently kinda blowing up, casually signing with John Prine’s Oh Boy Records, which is badass and so deserved.

Last night was in Chattanooga where I learned if you are going to play 4 nights of shows in a row you gotta schedule a nap in between. It was my first time playing JJ’s and they had all of the March 2020 shows still written on their chalkboard and it felt like an ode to all of us. I tried to slap one of my stickers inside the bathroom and it didn’t stick because of the grime. 10/10 spot for shows. The bar next to JJ’s sold frozen “irish coffees” and it was the best drink I have ever tasted. I think about making the drive every day for one.

THAT WAS ONE WEEKEND! I think my subconscious new I needed a distraction because I’ve never been so busy as November 2024. Speaking of…

Chris McCreary’s Hot Nostalgia needs it’s own post. That was the next weekend of November. I’m going to go ahead and schedule that, but for the time being.. Magic. Pure magic and hope and dreamers coming together to see what they can do. Stay tuned.

The next weekend my hot girlfriend took me camping and we made a bunch of frozen burritos (handmade tortillas and refried beans?!!?) and escaped to the woods. Which was the first moment I remembered there was a deep, awful, hopeless, pain waiting for me to slow down. Trump won. Division. Apathy. Manipulation. TikTok. Kamala is Brat!! 19 year old political influencers. Green Party? My Family voted red? AGAIN? My friends didn’t vote? Did they know about those of us in the South? That we needed them? Should we move? Are we safe in TN? How long until it gets bad? But really… How many days do I have to prepare? Should I go to Costco? I wish I trained my dog better. A trained dog is easier to manage in an apocalypse. Can I buy Dempsey’s Prozac in bulk? Why do I hate 50% of the population? More than 50%? Do we actually know? What about GA’s mail-in ballots? I heard from my very credible “for you page” that the best way to prepare for Project 2025 is to start growing sprouts, speaking of sprouts, here’s why your garden sucks ass and 15 other tips and my planting calendar for $15, which is a steal!, ALSO WICKED IS HERE, Ariana!, and should I get gay married yet, or will that put me on a government hit-list? Does the government actually care I’m gay or just want to pay rich people more money? and also there’s this thing that’s popping up on my feed for a cleaning device with a handle and I could finally reach the outside of our high window with the spiderwebs and its only $12.99 and has like 7 different attachments… fuck those outside window spiders with this $12.99 piece of actual shit that will break 60% of the time, which is not enough of the time to throw away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All in one place it is clear to me. This is wrong and shouldn’t happen to a human. Our psyches and our well-being and our needs and desires compiling and spiraling into one. Packaged in a shiny “For You” gift. Someone is fucking with my sacred well-being. Something is truly killing me and separating me from those I love. We should probably all stop?

But.

I am in marketing so I’m fucked.

This is so 2019, Kelsi works for Younglife and they hurt gay people all over again.

Anyways. Trying to figure life out and you subscribed to my newsletter so get over it!! Until next time I ramble thoughts to you!

Quick Updates: What the people really want!

• I released a single! Sad Day Song is out in the world and should be listened to if you feel hopeless and like you want to remember what it is all about. I’ll probably break that down in a post soon. My new record is coming out in 2025 and I’m launching a fundraiser soon to complete that and will be less afraid of asking for money soon!

• For months, the voice that has been healing me and making me laugh is Laci Mosley. She has this podcast called “Scam Goddess” and it is so funny and smart and genuine and makes me feel in on the joke, which I loove. She also wrote a book and everyone should read it. LINK TO LACI SHIT

• A dempsey being a good lap dog when I was sad. Only 80 pounds! He is an emotional support animal who goes too far. I got a juicer for my birthday and this orange juice BURNT my throat in a good way…?. I’m thrilled. All of my favorite beings asleep on the couch. I also made sushi the other day and I can do anything, juice, sush…. etc. I am unstoppable.

• I saved all my Kroger points and got 90 cents off of a gallon for gas the other day which feels criminal?? Makes me feel like I robbed the bank and also that I’m 56 all at the same moment.

• SpaceCraft Knoxville is my local recommendation for dreamers. I have watched this project be worked on for 3 years and to see it pop up as such a strong presence in the last 6 months in our community is a testament to what committed hard work can do. I adore Jaleria Rivera and I’m proud to witness the early years.

• Emily and I recently locked out social apps on our phones and the other has the code. I will still be posting from meta, but hopefully scrolling is a thing of the past for me. I want to have conversations, see people’s faces, feel slightly hopeful that the world won’t end soon, and save my money from the TikTok shop, who famously only got $12.99 from me one time for a piece of shit cleaning device, but that’s $12.99 too much. I’ve already texted the people I love more and have had actual connections and honestly its why I have written all of this down. Will anyone see I wrote this down?? I don’t know, but I’m tired of giving power to my abuser. People aren’t the enemy. Our disconnection and misunderstanding of one another is. Destroy your echo chamber and decide who to be in this terribly beautiful and once in a lifetime world.

I love you,

Kels